Gay adverts

I have an exam in about 33 hours, so naturally I have spent the last six or so eating Starburst and watching videos on YouTube. And, as is so often the case in procrastination, I have discovered a new passion for argument. I need to express an opinion on something - anything - and as such have settled on this: gay adverts. Be they pro- or anti-gay, there's a lot to say about them.

The first video can be found here, but I've nicked the video to post, as you can see. It's a video from Dare To Stand, a radio show in Arizona. Now, I have no objection to people having religious belief. I'm writing a blog post at half past midnight to a non-existent audience and more alcohol than revision in my system, so I really can't criticise anyone for their lifestyle choices, but this video is terrible on so many objective levels that I feel pretty secure in ranting.

First of all, the whole premise of the advert seems to be attacking the Day of Silence, which for those of you who don't know is a day taken to commemorate and raise awareness of anti-LGBT bullying and harrassment. Now, any day that says, "Hey, here's an idea. How about we stop making kids kill themselves?" is a pretty good day in my book. But apparently these Baptist f*ckwads have a problem with it.

Apparently schools up and down the country are being "coerced" into remembering victims of homo-, bi-, trans- and other phobic bullying. You can't be serious, I hear you cry. My children?? Showing a degree of respect towards what is a huge tragedy? Putting a nickle in the Haiti earthquake box was enough conscientiousness for one year, thank you very much.

The video shows a bunch of good, Christian children whose only desire is to sit in a classroom and read the Bible (I'm not making that up. Check around 3:30) living in a monochromatic, dreary world where the only colour is the good ol' Stars and Stripes and the teacher looks like a cross between Nurse Ratched and the star of a Nazi Dominatrix porno.

The thing is, I've watched the video twice and I'm not sure how it's supposed to sway people. It's really just reporting neutral facts in such a hilariously biased tone that anyone who's, you know, intelligent will be horribly offended, while those who agree with the sentiments will just nod and reload the barrels of their sawn-off shotgun.

I'm not going to say much more about that, as it annoys me so much I can't actually formulate words. Maybe that's the marketing technique - just create something so offensive and long (srsly - 6:31? For that long a video, I at least want an explosion or celebrity cameo) that no one can form a coherent argument against it.

Well, maybe one that's easier to criticise, then:

Wait, what? Are you seriously...? This is just a bunch of kids asking questions about sexuality and gender. I get the premise, I really do; changing marriage laws will confuse the children. You know what else confuses children? Fucking everything. They're children. You ban things that confuse children and all you're left with is a shitload of Sesame Street and ice cream.

Let's have a look at the questions. These are not difficult questions to clear up, even for the simplest of children:

1. "Grandma, if Grandpa was a girl, it'd be OK. You could still be married." - OK, this isn't a question, but yes. That's a pretty concise and accurate assessment of the situation. Have a cookie.
2. "God created Adam and Eve? That was so old fashioned." - Well, yeah, but at the very earliest we're talking 5,000 years ago, love. Tamagotchis were only twelve years ago, and they're even more old fashioned.
   
3. "He should've created Anna and Eve." - No. That's just silly. How could you have continued a species like that? What he should've done is created Anna, Adam, Eve and Steve, so that the human race wasn't a massive group of inbred freaks, and that after procreation, the four of them could couple off however they liked.
   
4. "If my dad married a man, who would be my mom?" - You wouldn't have one. But you'd have two dads, so you'd be in a much better position to beat up any little shits who made fun of you for it.
5. "I'm confused." - Of course you are. You're, what, five? Shoes with laces confuse you.

My favourite bit is, "Kids will be taught a new way of thinking." That's good, because you know something? Kids are always changing the way they think. Until I was eight, I thought babies were something parents bought from the government. If kids never changed the way they think, you'd have an entire generation of adults going, "I'm sorry, Johnson, but we're going to have to let you go on the grounds of you being a nasty poo-head."

Of course, not all adverts with LGBT people are negative. And, because I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy now for having ranted a bit, I'm going to post a few that are a bit more cheery.

Ahh, the wonders of Pepsi...

I love the expressions on his mates' faces at the end.

Normally I hate McDonald's, but in this case I'll make an exception.

There are some people who get upset about this, saying that it's suggesting that all gay people are closeted or some such nonsense. Those people can fuck right off, because I love this advert. :D

Renault Twingo - We live in modern times.

I love this for so many reasons. The expression on his dad's face when he realises who's in the car, and then the relief at the end. It's like a hug for your insides.