I am a white, middle-class, English speaking, cisgendered, homosexual male from a fairly well-off British family. I have never experienced any abuse, neglectful or otherwise, I grew up in a loving family who raised me well and neither spoiled nor deprived me, and any troubles or difficulties I may have with mental or physical disorders [officially] remain either unrealised or undiagnosed.
And if it were not for one word in that previous paragraph I would never dream of writing a post like this. As it is, I am already unsure of the effect this post would have if it were to be read by certain individuals I know, but I suppose that is why I am posting it in a fairly unofficial manner.
As it is, I have decided to write in defence of privilege. A friend of mine recently posted this tumblr to Facebook, and I recommend it to anyone who might want to know my opinions on a wide variety of questions that privileged people often ask.
The thing is that privilege is a difficult concept for me, because it is something that everyone experiences, everyone is a victim of, and yet so few people seem to know it exists. There is the obvious classist privilege that many people will be familiar with, and the sexist privilege that some insist is a thing of the past (or has been reversed, and that men are now victims of female-enforced privilege), or the similarly denied racist privilege. Beyond these types of privilege are cisgendered privilege, heterosexist privilege, ableist privilege, and symptomatically related prejudices such as biphobia, transphobia, ableism. Of course, this is just scratching the surface, as there is literally any kind of privilege that you can conceive.
Now, I'm not saying that privileged arguments are defendable. "But how do you know you're gay/lesbian/bi/trans?", "But surely polyamory is just cheating?", "I don't believe in bisexuality - you either are or you aren't. Make up your mind." and, "What do you mean, you're neither male nor female? Surely you have to be one or the other?" are statements or questions borne of ignorance and little else. I'm not talking about when people ask innocent questions to learn or avoid offending (for example, asking someone's pronoun - especially if they identify as a non-binary gender); rather I'm talking about people who have never experienced discrimination of a particular kind, and therefore decide that it does not exist.
I'm not denying that these people exist. I have fielded questions such as, "Is homophobia even a thing anymore?", "Do we really need an LGBT Society in a university where equality has pretty much been achieved?" and the infamous prefix, "I'm not being homophobic, but...", and so it would be a lie to argue that there does not exist an offensive privilege system out there.
But Fuck Yeah, Privilege Denying Dude (FYPDD) just got be a bit riled up. Now, I know I'm on the privileged end of the spectrum for pretty much everything except discrimination against gay males, but the way this tumblr deals with privilege is basically saying, "Any cisgendered heterosexual male with no history of mental issues is essentially a bad person and can never understand or empathise with the struggles of a marginalised person."
Some may jump to its defence and say that it is simply using generalisations and isolated examples to make a point about a very real problem, and I would agree with that, but that doesn't change the fact that there are many people I know, both within and without the real world, who cry 'privilege' at the drop of a hat.
It's the same principle that makes someone who responds to an argument about tuition fees with, "Are you a mother? Then you couldn't possibly understand." Yes, you bring an essential point of view to a conversation, but as soon as that starts to become your default response, the whole point of the communication is lost.
My main point of contention for this argument is this post, which has the line in the description;
This is the reason why I just don’t trust privileged allies of anything, especially if they wear their ally status on their sleeves. They usually make it all about them, how enlightened they are, and how wonderful they are “helping” marginalized people, then get upset when they’re not appreciated and insult the people they claim they’re allied to.See, that post to me just highlights a fundamental problem with this approach to privilege. Yes, fighting constantly just to have your identity and beliefs acknowledged and accepted is tiring, and no one can be expected to do that all of the time. And yes, there are many people out there who are cruel and willing to capitalise on the struggles of marginalised individuals in order to make them look good.
But not trusting privileged allies of anything? I'm a male feminist - does the first part negate the second? I have friends who are trans and bi, and I will - and have - defend(ed) their identities when they have been questioned, to the best of my abilities. If I've ever argued a misunderstood or misinterpreted point, it has been an honest mistake, I apologise unreservedly for misrepresenting them and I will point out that in all probability there was alcohol involved at the time.
You don't trust privileged allies? Well, who the fuck are you to decide that the cause of the marginalised is one for only you to take? If ever there were a group that I would not expect to colour with the same brush, it's an anti-privilege group. I know a couple of trans people that I couldn't spend an hour talking to without wanting to kill someone, so does that make me a transphobe? How about the couple of bi guys that I think deserve a bit of a slap for being dickheads? Am I a biphobe now?
Go ahead and call me a privilege-denying dude arguing that any anti-cis, anti-het, anti-privilege is the same as marginalisation or some reverse discrimination. I realise that might be how it comes across. But what I'm trying to say - almost from a Devil's Advocate position (because I agree wholeheartedly with a lot of the sentiments expressed in that tumblr) - is that privilege is a difficult concept. It exists, no doubt, and it should be tackled head on, and yes of course, this is your life. When people start spouting hateful comments about it, you have every right to get angry. Hell, I'll get angry for you, whether you like it or not.
And I know it's a bit saccharine, but this whole rant made me think of this PostSecret (which I had to spend a while finding after traipsing through the 2,000 odd I have on my computer):
Text: Be kind - for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
As I said, saccharine, but I often find that keeping that message in mind makes it a hell of a lot easier to let, "But if you haven't kissed a girl, then how can you know?" slide off your back. :)
