The following is a diatribe I wrote when I first saw Devil, a film from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. It also happens to be where the title of this blog comes from, so I thought I should probably post it, just for a sense of background. Enjoy.
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Today I went to see the 14:50 showing of 'Devil', the latest film from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. Apparently he was one of the head writers on this, rather than the director, which I must say is a small blessing. If he's the writer, though, then I would put him somewhere with Stephenie Meyer and James Patterson in the 'Do not permit typewriters' pen. And then set the pen on fire.
My problems with this film are numerous and rambling. That was originally going to read 'threefold', as I spent the entire hour-long bus journey home trying to condense them into a vaguely coherent argument, but I simply found it impossible. As such, I'm simply going to take a page from M. Night's book and write until my hand hurts - except that, unlike him, I've actually put some thought into this.
WARNING: This post contains spoilers. Well, I say spoil....
WARNING #2: Actually, it's probably best to watch the film first anyway, if only because there's so much wrong with it that I haven't been able to make this critique very coherent, so it may be a bit difficult to understand without having first seen it.
Problems with 'Devil'
I can't help but feel it was somewhat misguided in that it just made me feel a bit sick.
2) The story takes place in a high rise office building (number 333 on the street - OMG! A reference!), and is narrated by the devout Hispanic security guard, Ramirez. First of all, Google "stock Hispanic names". Don't literally do that, as the first link is a virus, but in a fair and just world, Ramirez would be repeated so many times that Firefox would turn the default language to Spanish in less time than you could say, "¡Dios mío!"
Seriously, it seems that, in order to defeat the Devil, all you need is a feisty Mexican with a crucifix. They are impervious to evil, apparently because their mothers read them the creepiest bedtime stories since The Little Mermaid. Yes, this entire story was, purely by coincidence, told in excruciating detail to the one character that was absolutely guaranteed to be ignored when his panicky, pidgin cries of "¡Es el Diablo!" erupt without any more evidence than would be necessary to get a black man beaten up by police in New York (except for the toast - I'll mention that later)
3) Inventive camera angles aside, however, there is much more to be said about the first scene. First of all, the story starts off with a suicide, as so many of M. Night's films seem to (seriously, this guy is so obsessed with people killing themselves that I would take a closer look into any suspicious deaths within a tri-county area). This is built up as an important plot point as, whenever the Devil walks among humans (Ramirez explains), he thoughtfully heralds his murderous rampage with a suicide. Most people just call ahead, but whatever.
That being said, you'd think that such an 'important' thing would at least be mentioned after the first ten minutes, but no. The first scene is spent dwelling on how a truck magically managed to drive itself two blocks and round a corner (I assume due to bollards made of rubber and some deus ex machina) and then brought up for about twenty seconds later on when a suicide note is found. Despite this note being very out of the ordinary for a suicide note (the guy mentions the Devil. It must be sorcery!) and relevant to the situation (they've mentioned the fact that the Devil is in the lift about six times by this point), the Detective in charge just completely neglects to share this piece of information with anyone.
Mind you, I guess it's to be expected, as it takes most of the characters half the film to work out that there even was a suicide. One guy's actually standing next to the van when the body falls down, and still doesn't notice. And the window he fell through? The janitor immediately starts clearing up, completely ignoring the size of the hole and the probability that something fell through it.
Do we ever even learn the name of suicide victim? If we do, it's mentioned once and immediately forgotten. Do we know why s/he jumped through a window instead of doing the much more conscientious act of going up onto the roof so that there would be less clearing up to do? Do we even know what s/he had done to merit being driven to suicide by the Devil? The whole premise of the film is that they've all done something horrible that they have to atone for, but none of that's ever mentioned for this unfortunate person.
4) Do you know how many times people get stuck in lifts? Well, it's not that often, but we're massively paranoid about it. All of us have such a healthy dose of claustrophobia that we build in a lot of safety features into them. However, when a lift stops, the safest place is generally inside the compartment, which is why those hatches in the ceiling are generally bolted shut, so that idiots can't climb up and kill themselves trying to shimmy up the cables. So when the Hot White Guy (don't know his name, don't particularly care) gets up to knock open the hatch so that Black Tough Guy can get some fresh air, it's either a load of bullshit, or he's got some sort of superhuman strength.
Also, in this film, no fewer than two lift cables just snap for no reason and fall to the bottom. Now, not only has this only ever happened once, when a plane flew into a New York skyscraper, and killed no one, but this happens twice. In the same building. On the same day. And no one cares. In fact, when the first one happens, the technician who's nearly crushed by it doesn't even raise the alarm, despite the fact that the whole film is about people who are trapped in one of the other lifts. Seriously, not even mentioned.
And that's not the end of the factual anomalies. One of the security guard (not the Hispanic one, obviously, as he has Jesus on his side) gets electrocuted (and he bloody well deserved it, too - I cheered) when he lifts a live cable out of a conveniently placed puddle with a piece of wood. Despite the fact that the electrical charge is apparently strong enough to remain in a puddle that's not connected to any electrical supply, but not strong enough to jump the two feet across the wooden plank, after being electrocuted, the guy then manages to make it up a flight of stares and into the crowded lobby before finally dying of his own stupidity.
5) The detective in charge of getting the people out of the lift (a job he fails at spectacularly) has a back story, which he insists on reciting to every single character who can be arsed to listen. Seriously, by the time it gets to the third time, I no longer care that his wife and son died in a hit-and-run five years ago (I wouldn't be surprised if this were the fifth anniversary, it's so cliché). But, in the obligatory M. Night twist, it turns out that Hot White Guy, the only one to survive the lift, was the one driving the car! ZOMGWTFLOLBBQLGBT!!!eleven!!111
WHAT A SURPRISE! Well, actually, I didn't see this coming, but it was simply because I'd stopped caring at this point. So congratulations, M. Night, you managed to pull the wool over my eyes by disguising it under the shittest film I've seen in a long time. But the real kicker is that this guy is finally the only one left alive in the lift when (another twist!) one of the previous victims stands up, revealing herself to be the Devil (gah! Oh my God! This is a rollercoaster!)
When confronted by the elderly woman that he believed had been hanged by a light fitting about three deaths earlier, Hot White Guy confesses to the manslaughter with tears in his eyes as the shocked police officer watches in horror. And then, of course, the old woman eviscerates him as punishment for his- Oh wait, no. She says, "Well, bugger. You said you're sorry. Alright then." and leaves. I'm sorry, all he had to do was apologise? What about the others in the lift? None of them had killed anyone, and you stabbed, twisted and bit all of them without so much as a by-your-leave.
So what's the deal? Why can that one guy get away with it because he said sorry? And if apologising is so important, what about the innocent people the Devil killed? Flowers to the family? A card? "My bad" written on the walls in the victims' blood? Because the omniscient Hispanic man makes it clear that the Devil has no problem killing innocent people if they get in his way, but if the first words to blurt out of your mouth when confronted with the asphyxiated corpse of a woman you saw die about half an hour ago are anything approaching an incoherent apology, then that's just dandy? What gives, Satan?!
And even beyond that, the police officer who's life was ruined when the guy decided that a late-night beer run was a great idea then, on the way to the police station, tells the survivor that he forgives him. What?? This guy killed your family in a horribly predictable and awfully convenient plot twist, and you're OK with that? Yes, so you've seen too many people die today to feel the same burning desire for revenge that has been your driving force for so long, but still, you still don't think it deserves a bit more of a shout? Gosh, no wonder Jamie felt the need to throw a chocolate wrapper at your pathetic little face.
6) What, exactly, happens next? I mean, look at what you're left with at the end of the film: a lift full of three dead bodies, a missing granny, an admitted hit-and-run driver covered in other people's blood and a video showing said granny rise from the dead and disappear during a blackout. Not to mention a wise Mexican with a crucifix claiming Beelzebub was in that lift. Pretty convincing stuff. So what you've basically got is irrefutable proof of the supernatural - and, while any YouTube comment-writer will be quick to say, "lol its obviusl ya fake u n00bs", the authorities in charge of such things will still look twice, and conspiracy theorists will pretty much jizz their pants with glee.
And if the video evidence isn't accepted, then what? You've got a guy who's major crime was having a few brews before some bint who didn't believe in seatbelts drove in front of him as the only survivor in a room where he was the only possible suspect for all three of their brutal murders. And with two suspicious deaths happening around the same time, he's going to the chair so fast he won't even be able to utter another (what I suppose is supposed to be heartfelt but just comes across as whiny) apology.
7) And this is really what I think is my biggest problem with this film. When Omniscient Hispanic Ramirez first postulates that the Devil walks among them and has chosen a lift to exact an extremely showy and incriminating punishment against evildoers, people predictably don't believe him - Mistake #1. But it's understandable. After all, would YOU believe a Mexican? No, of course not, because all true Americans know that Mexicans are dirty.
However, then he brings out The Science. To prove his hypothesis beyond all reasonable doubt, he conducts one of the most rigorous experiments I have ever seen - he flips a piece of toast. When it lands jam-side down, he claims this to be because the Devil always makes everything go wrong. "When He's around, children hit their heads on tables, toast lands jelly side down" - I wish I were making this up, but this is as close to a direct quote as I can remember. Let's look at that again. Toast lands jelly side down. Well, that's it, Q.E. motherf*cking D. Let's bring in a priest. Unfortunately, in a film titled "Devil", no one thought to summon the clergy, and so six people died, lots of lawyers' days were disrupted and someone had to replace a window.
What a bother.
But then, we can't forget what should really redeem this film; the moral. And the moral of the story is, of course, that Mexican fairytales are unnecessarily detailed and bloody creepy as hell. No? Well, maybe if you apologise, the Devil will just say OK, no matter what you've done? Hm, maybe not. OK, how about this: when trapped in a lift with the Devil, even offering to sell her a mattress will not save you.
Seriously, I made none of this shit up.
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